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[22 Jan 2008|11:35pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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I've got it. An incredible anti-love story.
Told from a man's journal. He fails at everything. He has a terrible job. His parents hate him.. and life in general isn't very good for him.
Then he falls in love. It will be glorious.
There is a small betrayal of trust. Nothing any normal person would look into.
It eats him alive. consumes him. destroys the relationship and many other bad things.
I'm not sure how I want it to end though.
If it's going to be becuase he doesn't want to and has no choice or if he'll enjoy it.
Meh.
Ideas?
Also. four redbulls in a row = not a good idea.
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[31 Oct 2007|12:26am] |
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( Lulz. )
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[19 Apr 2007|01:15pm] |
Holy shit I'm updating. CALL THE POUND! Er.. The cops. Whatever.
Rachel sent me an assload of stuff for my birthday! And I say assload because with enough lube and a little finnesse I'm sure we could fit all in there.
I am restless. I have a Jones soda bottle that I'm itching to break in the driveway.
I had the weirdest fucking dream last night. I was brushing my teeth and all of sudden blood just started pouring out of mouth. Like. when you go to the dentist and you just.. drool? It was like that. only.. blood. I dunno. I don't dream at all often.
Uhm. I've been chatting a lot lately. which is making me neglect Bert. but Bert's never been very active outside of Jepha anyway.
I'm gonna go post a song in myspace.
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[25 Jan 2007|07:27pm] |
It's update time.
I had no power for a week and I'm moving again. Probably this weekend. And 90% of the house is still not packed. My tummy hurts and something strange is happening to Bert McCracken. Like... with his hair and all the dark makeup and stuff. I don't understand him sometimes. And yet.. in my own universe I am him.. Go figure. My back hurts and I'm tired for no reason and I'm waiting for you to call me. You said an hour and I don't know how long it's been. I'm terrible at typing and not looking at the keyboard.
I don't know what else to say.
As someone once said. Only good girls keep diaries. The bad girls are too busy.
Have a nice fucking day.
A.R. D'Amore.
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[05 Jan 2007|07:30pm] |
I've been reading all day and I feel horrible that I was a bitch to you on your birthday.
I did some cleaning.. ate skettios.. Hm.
I really hate when I do this.. I'll sit down with things swimming in my head that I'd like to put down.. and then as soo as this page opens I forget.
In other news, I called the ex today. Since you know.. I told him we'd still be friends and we haven't talked in weeks.. and he was with a girl named Kim. You have no freaking idea how happy that made me. Even though.. the bad part of me wanted to be like.. SEE RETARD?@ THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LIFE SO STFUKTHX. But I didn't. That was at like.. four. it's like. seven now.
I.. got distracted.
More later?
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[31 Dec 2006|04:56pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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The Used - Maybe Memories |
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Hm.
Long time no update. My last update of 06. fun.
Bert McCracken's voice gets higher with headphones. He amuses me.
I.. Thought I'd have more to write about..
Hm. I had something this year I haven't had for a long time. A relationship. And a sort of.. psuedo relationship? The thing makes me sad.. was being with her was better then being with him. I mean that in all aspects. not just a sexual one.
I got to go home this year. And. Ungh. I loved it so much.
I met a boy. I think it's adorable how he thinks he's in love with me already.
I've changed my mind about a lot of things this year.
I don't want love. I had a palm reader read my palm a couple of years back and it puzzled her that i had no marriage lines. maybe I'll never get married. perhaps I don't have what it takes for love. Or maybe I'm leaving a light on for someone who won't come home. I miss liprings and having a lioness in my bed. Mm.
Anyway. I met a boy. aside from his ass. I noticed his lips. But. no lips compare to hers.
So maybe. As the year comes to a close. I'll keep that light on.
I'm sorry for the boy who looks like a puppy without the floppy ears.
I have to go turn Poetic Tradedy off before it makes me cry.
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[25 Nov 2006|01:45am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Blink-182 - Going Away To College |
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Disregard my last Post.
It's 2 AM. I got home an hour ago.
I had. a fucking. blast.
Mmmk. So. Me and Tim were supposed to go see a play.. but it got canceled.
So we went to the diner. and ate and BS-ed. then we got bored and went to get Tina and Nathaniel from work. We chilled at Starbucks and I got a Quad-something-caramel-something. I don't know. I walked up to the counter and said, "Give me something hot with enough caffeine in it to kill a moose." I still have it. We stayed there and then we met Jess. Who I met for the first time. we went back to her apartment and listened to Enya and sat in a circle and just. hung out. for about an hour. then I had to drag myself home.
Things are so different now it's insane. Aprils mad at me. I spent my last night here with Timmy and not with her. So she's pissed. I'm sorry. She had all week to be like. come chill with me. And she didn't. So.. yeah.
I miss my Jeffuh and my Panda. I made up a lie about coming home late.
I smell like incense and cigarettes and coffee. With a hint of ex-boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend is something we came up with. It means.. It's a smell that's sensually pleasing but.. nostalgic. Like an ex-boyfriend. Hence, the term.
I've missed home. I dread leaving tomorrow horribly.
I saw my father. And.. That's all I have to say. I gave him my info. If he doesn't call me in two months tops. I'm giving up for good.
my grandmother saw my converse and lovingly coerced me into a new pair. They're cute and girly with purple flower trim.
I went to two different malls and spent almost four hours shopping and only spent... three dollars. I win.
I could fill your friends page with tons of this so I'm going now. I have to get up early in the morning and be dragged back to Missouri. Fun times.
Have a nice fucking day.
A.R. D'Amore
P.S.
Rachel: I spent the three bucks on Candy-cane flavored poprocks.
Is there anything else you want for christmas?
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[31 Oct 2006|02:01pm] |
Unlike the last time you heard from me.
I'm in a rather bad mood.
Eighteen days until I go home.
If anybody wants anything. Lemme know.
I've given up on the prospect of finding "home." Home is a memory now. Something I'll never get back. Just a fantasy place I can visit every now and then. I though I had found a new home once. With a boy. Who i talk about entirely too much recently. but. he isn't here anymore so... That just shows you how much that worked out.
I'm feeling caged again. No. Not again. It's just surfaced again. I always feel caged. It's pretty much been years since I've walked out the house and met someone new, felt something new or done something insane.
I'm depressed. Hooray Bi-polar.
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[25 Oct 2006|10:40am] |
Twenty Three days until I go back home for a week.
I can't wait to see the beach again. I've missed it so much.
I plan on going to the beach. Even if it is freezing out. I'll bring him home sand from the ocean. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's never seen something i've always taken for granted. In all honesty though. I haven't been to the beach in three years. The year before I was home last was me shuffling around from looney bins to homeless shelters, and back again.
My mother always told me that there's a difference between a thinker and a doer. Doers never think and Thinkers never do.
I've never been either. I've sat for hours thinking about the smallest thing. I've done things I Still can't believe I did. At home. I was that kid that was in everything. If you wanted something planned to perfection, Or just plain done. I was the kid you called. I always had boy friends. But never a boyfriend. I mean. I only dated one guy from my highschool before the one now. i completely regret it. only for the fact that the entire school knew my business.
Your ex had the nerve to compare you to cocaine. But. Apparently she didn't know me very well. I'm harmless, even fun, if taken in small doses. Fatal if taken in excess.
I've always cherished my gift of brutal honesty and just plain being blunt. To the point. Even though some things I like to beat around the bush about.
If this seems depressing, I don't mean it to be. I'm actually in a very good mood. I have a select playlist of The Rocket Summer, blink 182 and some other things that's been keeping me very upbeat. and the fact that I have a puppy gnawing my toes off adds to the good mood.
I can go on forever. So I'm cutting myself off.
Have a nice fucking day.
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[19 Oct 2006|02:21pm] |
I'm trying to think of something I didn't say in Bert's Journal.
But. I see dead boys in my dreams. Well. Just one. and i want him to go away. He's haunting me. I know it. I told him i'd never do it agian. and of course. When you were here I caved. like i knew I would. So he's punishing me. with flashback dreams.
Everyone always wondered why i stopped writing things about a boy with dark curly hair and brown eyes.
I see him in my sleep. and he won't go away. I stopped talking to him a long time ago.
it freaked me out so bad i woke up in a cold sweat. it was the closest thing I've had to a nightmare since I was seven.
I got a new notebooks. specifically for fiction writing. since you know. i got fired nd now I have a lot of time on my hands. I got it two weeks ago. it's still blank.
I don't know what else to write. i feel like i just wrote something dirty.
I'm leaving now.
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[21 Aug 2006|04:19pm] |
I'm making a playlist.
I need some songs.
Like. Slow acoustic songs.
Something to make love to.
Help me out here.
when I think sex songs I think like.
Nine inch nails. Or rammstien.
Or like. Mudvayne.
So. help me out here.
plzkthx.
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[01 Aug 2006|08:57am] |
It's almost nine and I really wanna call you but. I'm not taking the off chance that you're actually asleep for once.
I have Panic! At the Disco stuck in my head and it makes me want to rip my brain out.
I threw my razor out yesterday. I haven't used it in months and. I haven't felt the need to. I'm probably gonna kick myself if something comes up and I do need it. but. I doubt I will.
It's ten something now and this is all I've written.
I'm starting to get a headache and I wish Caet and I talked more. I wish I had some music to play. I feel like a little kid in time out or something. just sitting here. playing with my fingers. That same old restless feeling. Like. I'm trapped and I want to motherfucking claw at the walls and just. get out. I'm glad I have today off.
I'm gonna go now. I believe my parents want to borrow money from me.
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[21 Jul 2006|02:59pm] |
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music |
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Boxcar Racer - The End With You |
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OMGZ. This is me updating.
I haven't updated this in. Months?
Anyways. I'm litening to the Music on my myspace. Because. THe MP3 player Chris made rocks.
This damn thing is like my Notebook. you can tell when I'm happy. I never write in it.
but. I dunno. Other then work sucking.
I've been pretty okay.
I'm eating a cheeseburger. and drinking grape soda. I love grape soda.
Other then that. I'm pretty much a happy panda.
I have a cheeseburger. Grape soda. And a boy who's name I really would carve into my chest.
what else could I want?
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[17 Apr 2006|09:27am] |
I am now thoroughly convinced that de-greaser is the most vile substance invented by man.
can I get a hell yeah?
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[15 Apr 2006|01:23am] |
It. is so. fucking. late.
I don't know my head from a hole in the ground.
Rick. Is a buttmunch. so. they come get me from work right. and i told them to come get me at a quarter to twelve. and they show up at twelve. so. my manager didn't want me waiting outside. in the dark. alone. so he had this kid Drew wait with me. and rick was all. something about making out.. but. i believe he used the word: "Necking". and. i didn't even catch it untill he said something about it when we were driving to the diner. oh man. i waslike. so embarassed. Derw's a good kid though. flirty. but a good kid. well. he's my age. almost literally. like. I'm 3/29. and he's. 3/15 or something. but yeah. i have no clue why i keep calling him a kid.
Drew has an awesome car. it's like a 70 -something Dart? a chevey dart? something like that. it's old and awesome. I'd bang him just drive around in his car. his name is really Austin. Like my name is really Ashley. But. I guess he like Drew better? Like I like Riley better? I dunno. I am sooooo tired.
it was like. everyone in springfield wanted icecream. I didn't even get a break. bastards.
i am going to bed now.
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[04 Apr 2006|09:45pm] |
I have to pee. I haven't seen a comment in days.
so.
[insert begging here]
kthnx.
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[31 Mar 2006|11:49pm] |
So...
I have to learn how to make 298409328402938423480293854 different kinds of sundaes and shakes and malts and shit.
oh. and i spilled a cherrylimeade on the floor. and got evil looks from everyone.
I hate training.
okay, i know i complained about waitressing? but i kinda miss it.
so. tomorrow i go on a crusade for shoes.
and. I'm never letting my mother buy me cigarettes again. she comes back and is all. i found these cigarettes at the smoke shop! they were only 85 cents a pack!
...and they're cigars.
anyway.
i'm tired and i get to mop floors after closing tomorrow. so. yeah. go me. i'm so tired right now.
I didn't even work that long either. only like. four hours. but. yeah. scooping icecream is harder then it looks. trust me. and the fucking store room is... well. freezing. duh. but still. I don't like cold shit. what the fuck posesed me to work at an ICECREAM STORE?! I don't know. Money?
I'm still not liking getting paid every two weeks.
anyway. deadliest catch is on. So. I'm watch it.
Kay. toodles.
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[10 Mar 2006|10:03pm] |
I got shot in the crotch and I'd love to just. shoot myself in the head.
everyone's at the bar. I'm jealous.
that's it.
i have no life.
go me.
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